


Illogical

by q_urious



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BB-8 gets the talk, C-3PO's life will never be easy, Droid-centric, F/M, R2-D2 will always be a scamp, or a version of it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5633617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/q_urious/pseuds/q_urious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Poe and Rey are acting odd, BB-8 just can’t understand why, and R2-D2 is a little mischief-maker (as always).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illogical

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perifairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perifairy/gifts).



> This is the result of a number of late-night discussions of BB-8's adorableness between me and this [ lovely fan](http://bb8scoldoutside.tumblr.com/).
> 
> You can find me [ here](http://cinnamondameron.tumblr.com/).

BB-8 had just about had enough.

He would willingly do anything that his master Poe would ask of him. He would house critical Resistance intel, thus guaranteeing that every enemy blaster in the vicinity was trained on him at any given hour. He would abandon the most important person in his droid existence to Stormtroopers and escape to a godforsaken desert wasteland, with no inkling as to what lay ahead. He would travel the galaxy in a jet-powered tin can if it meant keeping Poe safe and happy.

Since recently, however, none of BB-8’s logic circuits could make sense of some of his master’s requests.

“BB-8, old friend, could you zip over to the kitchens and make sure they have some cream pudding for dessert? I’m sure Rey doesn’t even know what ‘pudding’ means, but it’s about time I introduced her to it”

“Hey, buddy, make sure you get the perfect shot, okay? Wait until our X-wings are perfectly lined up and make sure her face is in it. I know you like making the shutter sound, but keep it quiet for today, okay pal?”

“BB-8, listen, you’ll have to stay here and keep watch, alright? Don’t let anyone in to the hangar. I don’t know, distract them with a fake distress call, pretty lights, whatever. Just don’t let them inside.”

“BB-8 GET THE EXTINGUISHER! I swear I won’t try cooking for her ever again, just put out this fire for me… _What do you mean it’s already the fifth time?!_ ”

BB-8 wondered if the last battle, and Poe’s torture at the hands of that Kylo Ren (oh, he would burn that nasty traitor down with his lighter if he could) had somehow altered his master’s brain circuits a little. Because it wasn’t just the odd requests that were out of place in Poe’s behaviour.

Whenever Rey passed by, Poe would pause whatever he was doing and train his eyes on her as surreptitiously as possible, hiding a smile that was threatening to light up his face. Whenever the two of them conversed, Poe would look dazed – sometimes even forgetting to speak until BB-8 poked him in the legs. And if BB-8 were pressed against him, he noticed that his cheeks were 0.024% warmer and that his heartrate was up by 57%.

What was even more confusing was that BB-8 noticed the same anomalies in _Rey_. The numbers were different at the second significant figure, but that was only a minor quibble.

Clearly, there was something wrong with both of them. As Poe’s loyal co-pilot and as Rey’s best friend in the Resistance, BB-8 considered it _his_ duty to investigate and remedy whatever was wrong with his masters.

Since he was at a loss as to what was ailing them, BB-8 thought of enlisting some outside help. He considered which of his droid associates were most well equipped to advise him on the matter. The medical droids were too surly and, well, _clinical_ , in more than one sense. BB-8 was already in trouble with the kitchen droids after nagging them about – and occasionally smuggling - so much food at Poe’s behest.

The fact that it took 0.0079 microseconds for the most obvious answer to occur to him made BB-8 want to detach his head.

R2-D2 and C-3PO. Of course. They had served in close quarters with General Leia, Han Solo and the legendary Luke Skywalker in extremely similar circumstances. Both units had a good few decades on BB-8, and old 3PO was a protocol droid to boot. They probably know what it’s like to work with illogical human beings.

BB-8 immediately sought out the two droids and found them lounging in the back of the briefing room where he had first met them. C-3PO raised his golden hand in greeting.

“BB-8! What brings you here? Could Artoo and I be of any assistance to your good master?”

So it was that BB-8 laid out all his concerns about his master and the young Jedi-in-training, with beeps, clicks, many frantic rolls around the room, and even a few brief holograms.

C-3PO sighed. “Oh BB-8, you must understand that human emotions can be extremely complex. Even I, with my long years of service, can only begin to scratch the surface. We are only droids. There is much we can and cannot comprehend. I am certain that Master Poe and Miss Rey are completely fine.”

BB-8 beeped in indignation at the vague explanation. R2 clicked in what he felt was amused laughter. His indignation only increased.

“Calm down, BB-8, I mean it! Master Poe is likely very fond of Miss Rey, and wants to make her happy with all the nice things he does for her. Human beings respond physically to their different emotional states. That is probably what you were observing. There is nothing to worry about,” C-3PO elaborated patiently.

BB-8 slowly processed this new information. So if being with Rey makes Poe happy, and Poe doing nice things for Rey makes _her_ happy, shouldn’t he, as their droid, make sure this happens more often? BB-8 asked C-3PO as much.

“Now, now, you _can’t_ go meddling in your master’s business. Just do what he asks you to do, like a good little droid. _Don’t_ try to interfere, or worse, help!” reprimanded C-3PO in the same tone of disapproval he had used on R2-D2 for many a decade.

At this, R2-D2 wheeled over to BB-8 and beeped conspiratorially.

“How _dare_ you, Artoo, you rusty little short circuit, you’re turning him into a troublemaker like yourself! Have you ever thought about what a bad influence you are…”

BB-8 clicked and spun excitedly, and rolled away at full speed with 3PO’s tirade fading into the background. He liked that R2 unit. He sensed a kindred spirit in him.

***

The next time Rey began repairs on the Millennium Falcon, and Poe and BB-8 dropped by to help, BB-8 locked all the doors, programmed them to open only to his voice print and rolled off to pester the medical droids for a while.

When he finally returned some hours later to let them out (feigning complete innocence, BB-8 was smarter than that), he found the two of them only slightly irritated. Wide grins were plastered over both their faces, and oddly enough, their clothes were a lot more dishevelled than BB-8 remembered.

Well, they were happier than they were going in. That was mission accomplished in BB-8’s book.

Although, he needed to have a word or two with the laundry droids.


End file.
